Effects of Sexual Activity on Beard Growth (and Critical Thinking)

Scientists are critical, dedicated, and passionate about their work. The author of “Effects of Sexual Activity on Beard Growth in Man” was definitely two of these.

In 1970 a scientist (who chose to publish his findings anonymously) observed that after spending multiple days working in isolation, his beard growth accelerated in the days before returning back to civilization. The reason seemed obvious: in anticipation of resuming sexual activity, his beard was growing faster.

Not content with a single observation, Anon decided to pursue these findings. For a period of 10 weeks, he limited his ‘sexual relations’ to weekends only. Lo and behold: his beard growth on Friday was through the roof!

During this period, Anon was also careful to record his levels of tension, anxiety, nervousness, mental fatigue, alcohol consumption and libido. Interestingly, each of these factors was correlated with an increase in beard growth. Except for libido. Nevertheless, our anonymous author concludes that the most plausible explanation was that his beard was growing faster in anticipation of the oncoming weekend’s promiscuous activities.

We cannot question the dedication and passion Anon showed in his work. Clearly we need to dedicate more time to investigating the nature of autonomous beard lust.

(Pro-tip: For those of you who do not have access to Nature publications from 1970: The first page of the article is available for free via Nature’s “Readcube”, and the second page only has a 5 line conclusion and references. You can read almost the entire article and figures for free!)

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